Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Well, if no injuries, at least come back with a dramatic story about fighting off a pack of wild squirrels on your way home 🐿️🤣 Safety first, but entertainment value a close second, right?"

better, communication, concern, home, humor, injured, know, let, me, pissed, safely

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

0

2 months ago

humor, i, irony, me, news, sarcasm, slap, smart, technology, turn, TV
The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

0

2 months ago

employees, employer, humor, paper, question, relationship, toilet, toilet paper, value, workplace
I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

0

2 months ago

again, daily, daily life, decision, fall, humor, i, jeans, life, lifestyle, morning, morning routine, over, parkour, routine, struggle
A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

0

2 months ago

app, dating, dating app, humor, interaction, introvert, mumble, people, relationships, shy, social, social interaction, technology
My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

0

3 months ago

again, appliance, belief, boomer, boomer belief, humor, malfunctioning, malfunctioning appliance, most, problem, problem-solving, slapping, solving, work
The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, dead, death, humor, keep, keeping, only, people, secret, secret keeping, three, trust

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Reddit this month:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Going bananas on Slack:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Making waves on TikTok:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Just shared via TikTok:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Shared recently on X:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

Spotted on Twitch:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨