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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,569

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Seen just now on Threads:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I can’t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

Shared recently on Threads:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Just shared via Telegram:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Trending via LinkedIn:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Just landed via YouTube:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

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You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.
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Commentary:
Ah, the brilliant mind who decided to call it a "fireplace" must have had a real passion for rest and relaxation! 🔥💤 I mean, why stop at "fire" when you can add a cozy touch of "place" to truly embrace the lazy life? 😄 Lazy brilliance at its finest!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

59 shares on Threads this month:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,442

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Spotted on Reddit:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Live now on Threads:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Just shared via Slack:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Live now on Telegram:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Just shared via TikTok:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

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