Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?
  • I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.
  • I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.
  • What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.
  • Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.
  • Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.