100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

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Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

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Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

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Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

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Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

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I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

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“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.