50+ Funny Argument Jokes That Keep the Peace… Sort Of

New funny argument jokes

• Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?

• I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

• Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

• Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

• This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

• My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

• People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

• If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

• I’d rather lose you than the argument.

• Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Top funny argument jokes

• While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

• “You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

• There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

• I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

• I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

• I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

• I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

• Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

• Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

• During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Popular funny argument jokes

• Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

• I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

• Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

• 80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

• Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

• Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

• If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

• I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

• Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

• Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

More funny argument jokes

• Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

• I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

• My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

• I would rather lose you than the argument.

• WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

• Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

• You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

• When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

• The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

• I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Witty argument jokes

• Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

• Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

• Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

• People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

• Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

• We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

• Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

• It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

• If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

• I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.