New funny confidence quotes

• I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

• It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

• Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

• I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

• It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

• My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

• I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

• I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

• Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

• I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Top funny confidence quotes

• Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

• Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

• 80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

• You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional.

• At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

• “I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

• He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

• You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

• “I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

• Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Popular funny confidence quotes

• I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

• My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

• Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

• The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

• Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

• Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

• Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

• Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

• In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

More funny confidence quotes

• I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

• Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

• Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

• I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

• The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

• Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

• I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

• Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

• What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

• I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

Witty confidence quotes

• I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

• I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

• I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

• Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

• The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

• Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

• I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

• Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

• When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

• I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Funny confidence quotes remind us that swaggering through life’s messes with a smile 😎 is often the funniest part of the journey 😂. Whether it’s giving a speech you didn’t prepare 🎤 or pretending you know how to assemble IKEA furniture 🔧, confidence turns every challenge into a comedy routine 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that looking sure of yourself is sometimes all it takes. So keep your head high, your smile wide, and your humor sharp — confidence has never looked funnier 🤪!