New funny date jokes

• Back to the Future and chill?

• A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

• First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

• You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

• Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

• First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

• First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

• Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

• Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

• “November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

Top funny date jokes

• Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

• The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

• I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

• It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

• If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

• Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

• Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

• First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

• The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

• “Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Popular funny date jokes

• Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

• Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

• Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

• Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

• Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

• There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

• Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

• The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

• Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

• Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

More funny date jokes

• Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

• Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

• The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

• Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

• With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

• May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

• I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

• I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

• Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

• If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Witty date jokes

• Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

• Don’t hate me, date me!

• Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

• Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

• Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

• Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

• If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

• Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

• Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

• You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.