New funny everyone quotes

• I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

• I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

• I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

• Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

• My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

• Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

• An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

• Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

• It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

• Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Top funny everyone quotes

• I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

• To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

• Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

• I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

• Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

• My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

• Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

• Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

• Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

• I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Popular funny everyone quotes

• Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

• They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

• Alexa, play everyone that played me.

• Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

• Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

• Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

• Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

• Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

• Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

• Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

More funny everyone quotes

• Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

• I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

• I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

• Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

• Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

• In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

• In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

• I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

• Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

• Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Witty everyone quotes

• What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

• I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

• Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

• Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

• I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

• Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

• Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

• Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

• The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

• Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Funny everyone quotes show that no matter who you are, everyone has their moments of glorious nonsense 😂. Whether it’s forgetting something obvious 🤦‍♂️, saying the wrong thing 🗣️, or making bizarre choices 🛒, we’re all wonderfully imperfect together 🤪. These quotes are perfect for anyone who loves finding humor in the fact that everyone is just winging it 🙃. So keep laughing, keep sharing, and enjoy the collective comedy show that is humanity 🤣!