Funny never quotes dive into the hilarious irony of making bold statements we almost always break ๐. From โIโll never eat junk food againโ ๐ to โIโll never text my exโ ๐ฑ, these promises often last about five minutes ๐คช. These quotes capture the comedy in our overconfident declarations and the quick backpedaling that usually follows ๐. Get ready to laugh at how often never actually means probably in about an hour ๐!
New funny never quotes
- Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.
- Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.
- Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.
- Why trust atoms? Because theyโve never been caught fibbing, just fission.
- You never realize how long a minute is until youโre exercising.
- Nobody watches you harder than people who donโt like you, so give them a show they will never forget.
- My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.
- โYou never text back.โ No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.
- When people say theyโre speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.
- The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.
Top funny never quotes
- I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.
- Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, โฆ
- I should have peed before I left, and other things Iโll never learn: A memoir
- People really be like, โI would never do that to you,โ and then do it with a remix.
- Iโve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but Iโve never been told Iโm bad in bed.
- They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still canโt figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and โnever let go.โ
- Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.
- I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.
- British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.
- Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.
Popular funny never quotes
- Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always โNever.โ
- Donโt worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.
- My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now Iโll never eat again.
- A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.
- Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. Whatโs going on there?
- Iโve never had a beer in the shower; Iโm saving it for a very low moment in my life.
- My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.
- Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something Iโll never stop doing.
- Hate all political parties and youโll never be disappointed.
- That โnever againโ talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.
More funny never quotes
- You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.
- They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.
- Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.
- I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.
- There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.
- Remember, you donโt have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.
- Career? Never heard of her. Iโm majoring in sunshine and snacks.
- Youโll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.
- Itโs never too early to start making bad decisions.
- Iโm never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.
Witty never quotes
- Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.
- What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.
- Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.
- Itโs curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.
- Iโve never met a problem I couldnโt turn into a disaster.
- The goal is never Gucci bags. Itโs acres of land.
- The one thing Iโve never had in my carโs glove box is a pair of gloves.
- The devil couldnโt reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.
- I may regret the megabytes Iโve wasted, but Iโll never regret the megabites Iโve tasted.
- Donโt talk to me about regrets if youโve never had someoneโs name tattooed on you.
Funny never quotes remind us that absolute statements rarely stand the test of time ๐ฐ๏ธ. Whether itโs swearing off bad habits ๐ฉ, making dramatic life vows ๐ญ, or confidently predicting the future ๐ฎ, we humans love saying never โ and then doing the exact opposite ๐. These quotes are perfect for sharing when you catch yourself breaking your own rules ๐. So embrace the irony, laugh at the empty promises, and accept that never is just another way of saying not yet ๐คฃ!