50+ Funny Never Quotes That Prove We Always Say Never Too Soon

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

You never hear anything about Mr. Rubik himself, only about his cube.

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.