New funny person quotes

• Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

• To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

• Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

• There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

• The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

• The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

• There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

• I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

• Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

• “You never reply to messages!” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Top funny person quotes

• I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

• We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

• Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

• I’ve tasted being the bigger person. I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

• You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

• Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

• My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

• My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

• There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

• Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Popular funny person quotes

• They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

• Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

• Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

• Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

• I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

• When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

• When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

• “You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

• Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

• The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

More funny person quotes

• It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

• “You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

• Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

• You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

• Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

• I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

• I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

• “There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

• It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

• Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Witty person quotes

• Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

• I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

• Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

• Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

• It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

• When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

• “I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

• I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

• Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

• A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Funny person quotes remind us that being human means being full of quirks, odd habits, and hilarious slip-ups 😂. Whether you’re the organized one 📅, the always-late one ⏰, or the “just here for the snacks” person 🍕, we all bring our own brand of comedy to the table 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever thought, “Wow, I really am that person” 🙃. So embrace your weirdness, laugh at the nonsense, and enjoy the wonderfully funny person you are 🤪!