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Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

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If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

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Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

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Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

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I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

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I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

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Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

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All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

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Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

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The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.