Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don't talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Commentary:
“Feeling like the human embodiment of a needy, jealous cat 🐱🚫 Friendship monogamy only for this one! 😂 #FriendingForeverAlone”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

    Commentary:
    Well, clearly your thoughts are loud enough to reach the universe — just not your texts! 🤔📱 Maybe your brain is on “thought mode” but the “reply” button is on airplane mode. 😂✨

  • ‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs ‘Sex with your ex’ when you can have a bestseller? Take a page out of the history books instead of re-reading old chapters 😉📚 #MovingOnUp”

  • I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the age-old wisdom of never judging a book by its cover…unless we’re talking about people, then it’s apparently a free-for-all based on their faces! 🤨📚😂 Looks like someone missed the memo that ‘stupid faces’ don’t always equal evil intentions! 😉”

  • A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

    Commentary:
    “Trying to resist the temptation of devouring all the chocolates in a advent calendar is just as challenging as trying to resist hitting the snooze button on a Monday morning. 🍫⏰ #ChocolateLover #NoRestraint”

  • Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

    Commentary:
    “When in doubt, swap meditation for meditation-ication! 😂💊🧘‍♂️”

  • We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.