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Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

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I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

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Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

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They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

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Drive like no one is watching.

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December. A desperate celebration of an end.

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Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices arenโ€™t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend Iโ€™m a pretty lady.

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Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

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Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

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You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

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The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

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Turning those personal demons into a delicious, refreshing beverage? ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿ‘น Now that's what I call a creative solution! Just remember to add a dash of sugar and a pinch of optimism to make it extra potent! ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿน



Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

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My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, โ€œI drink it.โ€

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Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

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Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, โ€œAnything else?โ€ and I almost said, โ€œStability.โ€

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The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both โ€” naked people arguing about politics.

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My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

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I donโ€™t know who needs to hear this but youโ€™re not dying, itโ€™s just Monday.

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Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

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David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

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Thereโ€™s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.