Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

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Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

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I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

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Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

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German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

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I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

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90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

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Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

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Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

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1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

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Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.