34 funny special quotes - Wordgag

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

May 20, 2026

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

May 19, 2026

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

May 19, 2026

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

May 19, 2026

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

May 19, 2026

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

May 19, 2026

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

May 18, 2026

There is a special place reserved in hell for website designers who disable cut and paste in password fields.

May 6, 2026

Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

Apr 1, 2026

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Apr 1, 2026

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Apr 1, 2026

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Mar 31, 2026

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Mar 31, 2026

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Mar 31, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Mar 31, 2026

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Mar 30, 2026

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Mar 30, 2026

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Mar 29, 2026

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Mar 29, 2026

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Mar 29, 2026

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Mar 29, 2026

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Mar 28, 2026

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Mar 27, 2026

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Mar 27, 2026

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Mar 27, 2026

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Mar 25, 2026

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Mar 25, 2026

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Mar 25, 2026

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Mar 25, 2026

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Mar 25, 2026

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Mar 25, 2026

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Mar 24, 2026

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Mar 24, 2026

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Mar 24, 2026