Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

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We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

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My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

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Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

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I need a vaccine against overthinking.

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Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

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I only accept apologies in cash.

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Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

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Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

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Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

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Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.