But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

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Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

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Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

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Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

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The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

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Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

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I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

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In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

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Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

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At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

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Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.