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Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag thatโ€™s not fully sealed at the bottom?

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Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

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I donโ€™t mind being the villain in your story because youโ€™re a clown in mine.

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Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my train wreck of a life.

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Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, letโ€™s run it back!”

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The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

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Dad Hack: Get your teenโ€™s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

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The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

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In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

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So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

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The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Commentary:
"Even the king of the jungle has 'mane' character flaws. ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ˜… #RoaringRealities"

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