50+ Funny Thing Quotes That Prove Everything Can Be A Little Ridiculous

New funny thing quotes

• My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

• One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

• Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

• Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

• One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

• The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

• I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

• One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

• The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

• The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Top funny thing quotes

• This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

• It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

• One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

• The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

• How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

• Even wild things have slow mornings.

• The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

• When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

• The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

• Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Popular funny thing quotes

• The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

• The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

• “Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

• It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

• Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

• Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

• While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

• The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

• I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

• The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

More funny thing quotes

• Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

• The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

• You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

• Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

• Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

• If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

• Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

• The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

• People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

• Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Witty thing quotes

• I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

• I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

• The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

• The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

• If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

• Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

• Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

• Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

• They should invent a good thing that happens.

• They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Funny thing quotes remind us that sometimes we don’t even know what “the thing” is, but we still talk about it anyway 😂. From trying to explain something 🗣️ to making vague plans 📅, “thing” becomes the perfect stand-in when our brains just give up 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever said “you know, that thing” while hoping someone else fills in the blanks 🤪. So embrace the vagueness, laugh at the confusion, and enjoy how funny life’s little things can be 😆!