New funny everyone quotes

• Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

• I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

• I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

• I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

• Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

• My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

• Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

• An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

• Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

• It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Top funny everyone quotes

• Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

• I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

• To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

• Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

• I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

• Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

• My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

• Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

• Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

• Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Popular funny everyone quotes

• I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

• Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

• They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

• Alexa, play everyone that played me.

• Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

• Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

• Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

• Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

• Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

• Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

More funny everyone quotes

• Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

• Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

• I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

• I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

• Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

• Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

• In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

• In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

• I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

• Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Witty everyone quotes

• Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

• What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

• I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

• Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

• Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

• I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

• Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

• Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

• Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

• The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Funny everyone quotes show that no matter who you are, everyone has their moments of glorious nonsense 😂. Whether it’s forgetting something obvious 🤦‍♂️, saying the wrong thing 🗣️, or making bizarre choices 🛒, we’re all wonderfully imperfect together 🤪. These quotes are perfect for anyone who loves finding humor in the fact that everyone is just winging it 🙃. So keep laughing, keep sharing, and enjoy the collective comedy show that is humanity 🤣!