New funny person quotes

• A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

• All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

• I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

• 8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

• It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

• You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

• Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

• To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

• Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

• There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Top funny person quotes

• The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

• The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

• There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

• I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

• Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

• “You never reply to messages!” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

• I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

• We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

• Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

• I’ve tasted being the bigger person. I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Popular funny person quotes

• You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

• Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

• My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

• My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

• There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

• Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

• They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

• Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

• Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

• Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

More funny person quotes

• I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

• When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

• When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

• “You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

• Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

• The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

• It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

• “You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

• Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

• You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Witty person quotes

• Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

• I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

• I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

• “There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

• It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

• Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

• Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

• I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

• Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

• Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

Funny person quotes remind us that being human means being full of quirks, odd habits, and hilarious slip-ups 😂. Whether you’re the organized one 📅, the always-late one ⏰, or the “just here for the snacks” person 🍕, we all bring our own brand of comedy to the table 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever thought, “Wow, I really am that person” 🙃. So embrace your weirdness, laugh at the nonsense, and enjoy the wonderfully funny person you are 🤪!