Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…