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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I was dropped as an adult.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2418 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,580

Funny Quotes Topics

15,251

Funny Quotes Images

12,580

Updated

21 minutes ago

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Going viral on WeChat:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Spreading quickly via X:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Broadcasted on X:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like the only thing cooking undisturbed tonight will be my patience! 🍳😅👨‍🍳

cook, cooking, disruption, domestic, family, household, humor, kitchen, making, patience, recipe, standing, undisturbed, whole

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Threads:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Just shared via Instagram:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Trending via WeChat:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

Seen just now on Discord:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Trending via Instagram:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

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The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3am coming back from the club.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

I miss when bills were none of my business.

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

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The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

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