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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

28 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on WeChat:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Spotted on WeChat:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Reported on Slack:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Making waves on Reddit:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Breaking via Pinterest:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Live now on Pinterest:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Breaking via Facebook:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Making waves on Slack:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.
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Commentary:
Is it bad that I start practicing my surprised-but-not-really face every time I make plans? ❄️😅🎉

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

28 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Making waves on Telegram:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Spotted on Threads:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Just landed via Snapchat:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Just shared via WeChat:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Just shared via Discord:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

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