Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.