If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

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My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

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Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

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Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

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Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

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Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

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Problematic bed time gap relationship.

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Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

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Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

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If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.