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“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

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The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

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Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

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The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

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I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

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Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

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Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

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I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

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Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

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Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

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Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

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Trying to order a "ppppizza" just turned into the longest siege of my life ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ

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