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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,951

Funny Quotes Topics

14,756

Funny Quotes Images

11,951

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

Trending via Instagram:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Making waves on Instagram:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Going viral on Slack:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Just shared via Messenger:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Just landed via YouTube:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Freshly posted on X:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Spotted on Threads:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.
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Commentary:
Hopefully, they're all winning the lottery and taking naps! 🤑😴✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,951

Funny Quotes Topics

14,756

Funny Quotes Images

11,951

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,455

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Shared recently on Discord:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Broadcasted on X:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Breaking via Telegram:

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Breaking via YouTube:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

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