Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.