Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

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Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

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I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

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There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

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Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

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Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

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A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

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“Are you okay?” No, it’s literally Monday every 15 minutes.

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To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

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I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.