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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

1 minute ago

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Reported on Pinterest:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Live now on Slack:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Just shared via Discord:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Just shared via Slack:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Trending via Threads:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

4 months ago

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone's attempting acrobatics without leaving their couch! 🤸‍♂️ Fracturing laziness sounds like a productive injury, but dislocating interest? That's a whole new level of dedication to procrastination! 🤪 Keep pushing through, you're bound to find that sweet spot where laziness and interest meet. Just maybe not all at once next time! 😅

dislocation, fracture, humor, i, interest, laziness, procrastination

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

1 minute ago

3,464

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Just shared via TikTok:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Making waves on Twitch:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Just landed via Instagram:

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Going viral on Reddit:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Trending via YouTube:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Trending via Snapchat:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

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