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Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive perfect parent – armed with a library of child-rearing books but not a diaper in sight! 📚💁‍♂️ Who needs real-life experience when you've got all the theories, right?! 😂 #ParentingGoals"

child, children, humor, irony, parent, parenting, perfect, perfection, person, theory

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

2 months ago

day, here, humor, i, just, oxygen, procrastination, relax, sit, think, waste
Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

2 months ago

celestial, galaxy, humor, joke, Nasa, playful, selfie, selfie humor, space, star
I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

2 months ago

argument, better, coast, culture, days, debate, east, East Coast, humor, i, miss, music, nostalgia, rap, west, West Coast
It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

2 months ago

account, after, bank, bank account, checking, crime, desperation, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, irony, joke, life, life of crime, money, need, struggle, turn
Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

3 months ago

being, exhausting, expectations, fairy, fairy tale, humor, lifestyle, princess, royalty, tale
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

2 months ago

adult, blunt, consequence, consequences, dildo, humor, irony, metaphor, risqué

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on WeChat this month:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

19 shares on Discord this month:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

22 shares on Slack this month:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Making waves on Discord:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Making waves on Twitch:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Seen just now on Reddit:

My favorite color is money.

Spotted on Twitch:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Going viral on Instagram:

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨