Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Everyone is awful in their own special way.
  • I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?
  • The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.
  • I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.
  • Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
  • I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.