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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has bookmarked:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has shared:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¨ has copied:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has copied:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has bookmarked:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡« has shared:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,232

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Live now on Instagram:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Trending via Snapchat:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Going viral on Discord:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Breaking via Threads:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Spotted on Telegram:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

Trending via WhatsApp:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Elsa froze her entire kingdom instead of dealing with her feelings. I respect that level of avoidance.

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

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Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.
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Commentary:
"Isn't it ironic how ants decided to skip the 'ant'arctic party? πŸ€” They must have had a falling out with penguins or just hate snowball fights! β„οΈπŸœ"

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Instagram this month:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

31 shares on Threads this month:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

35 shares on Slack this month:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œIt’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hate when teachers put β€œ?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,466

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has viewed:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has shared:

β€œI don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡· has shared:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

β€œWhat fresh hell is this?β€œ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has viewed:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has copied:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Telegram:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Going viral on Instagram:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Live now on Twitch:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Live now on Twitch:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say β€œguess where I am”. The library?

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