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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,375

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Live now on Instagram:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Just landed via Twitch:

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Spotted on Threads:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Just shared via Threads:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Breaking via TikTok:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Just landed via Slack:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

8 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about urgency with a playful LGBTQ+ twist, humorous and lighthearted.

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Commentary:
Sapphically speaking, I'm operating at maximum capacity! 🌈🙌

acronym, ASAP, humor, LGBTQ, sapphic

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Messenger this month:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Good luck to everyone out there trying to gather enough energy to function this week.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Breaking via YouTube:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Just shared via X:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Going viral on Slack:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

Keep the laugh going 😂

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨