Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Just shared via Threads:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Shared recently on Threads:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Going viral on Telegram:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the infamous "microsleep" phenomenon – a brief moment of shut-eye that stretches into a never-ending slumber, brought to you by the advanced age clock 🕰️⏰. Who needs naps when you can master the art of microsleeps? It's the ultimate power nap strategy for the seasoned snoozer! 💤😆

, , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication dating day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Breaking via Telegram:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Trending via Twitch:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Breaking via Facebook:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Reported on Reddit:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Spotted on Telegram:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Going viral on Messenger:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴