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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has copied:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

For Christmas, Iโ€™d like to be understood.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

Tailgating me while Iโ€™m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

I have no use for mean people. Iโ€™ll walk right past you like youโ€™re furniture.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighborโ€™s yard.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

Iโ€™m too old to be jingling all the way, Iโ€™ll jingle til about five thirty.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,693

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on YouTube:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when thereโ€™s a whole room full of empty seats.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Just landed via Discord:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I donโ€™t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Breaking via X:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

Spotted on Telegram:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Trending via Slack:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Humorous text about feeling alert, with a playful twist on legal claims.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Who knew that being awake could come with perks? ๐Ÿ’ค๐Ÿ’ธ Time to cash in on those sleepless nights! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฐ #CompensationForInsomniacs"

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

27 shares on WeChat this month:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

22 shares on Discord this month:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

60 shares on Threads this month:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

13 shares on Threads this month:

Thereโ€™s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Bitcoin is just Kohlโ€™s Cash for boys.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows Iโ€™m from the 1900s.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless Iโ€™m driving.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,638

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ has downloaded:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

โ€œShe’s so self-centeredโ€โ€”who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has viewed:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ผ๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we donโ€™t trust.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has downloaded:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess Iโ€™ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has viewed:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has bookmarked:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via Instagram:

โ€œIโ€™m depressed because thereโ€™s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.โ€

Shared recently on Facebook:

When I retire, Iโ€™m going to run for office.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Breaking via Telegram:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Breaking via Pinterest:

One thing about me is I donโ€™t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Spotted on Reddit:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side Iโ€™m on?

Going bananas on TikTok:

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

Spotted on Facebook:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Trending via WhatsApp:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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