Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

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If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

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I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

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This meeting could have been an unread email.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

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Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

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Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.