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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Making waves on Discord:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Trending via TikTok:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Shared recently on WeChat:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Breaking via Twitch:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Breaking via Facebook:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

2 months ago

0

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Best friends are like undercover agents willingly exposing themselves to the madness 😜🕵️‍♂️ No matter how many crazy antics you pull, they've got your back – and maybe a straightjacket just in case! 🤪🤝 #FriendshipGoals"

best, best friend, choice, crazy, friend, friends, friendship, humor, know, loyalty, public, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, adulting, humor, life, relatable, responsibility, school, skip, work
Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

0

2 months ago

back, coming, comparison, dysfunctional, dysfunctional family, family, humor, media, return, returning, social, social media, Twitter
Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, busy, funny observation, nobody, notice, noticed, observation, said, self-consciousness, social, social anxiety, thing, too, weird, weird thing, worry
You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

0

2 months ago

approval, ask, call, confidence, dating, girls, humor, i, me, parental, parental approval, parents, sarcasm, scare, situation, social, social situation, teenage, used, wit
Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

0

5 months ago

bite, curiosity, humor, i, inner, inner thigh, just, noise, noises, science, should, someone, thigh, type
It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

0

2 months ago

assistance, checkout, complete, employees, experience, funny experience, help, humor, me, self-checkout, shopping, three, yesterday

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on X this month:

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

40 shares on Slack this month:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

95 shares on Slack this month:

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

52 shares on Threads this month:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

18 shares on Discord this month:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,567

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Live now on Pinterest:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Spotted on Telegram:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Spotted on Messenger:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Just landed via Reddit:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

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