Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.