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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Tuesday is just Monday wearing a fake mustache.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,715

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Making waves on X:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Breaking via TikTok:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Trending via TikTok:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Just landed via Instagram:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Breaking via YouTube:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Trending via Threads:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Going bananas on X:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

2 months ago

0

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like your voodoo doll is gearing up for a wild night out! 💸👖 Who knew voodoo could be so stylish and financially savvy at the same time? The only question now is, does the doll need a matching top to complete the look? 🤔😂"

doll, funny request, humor, money, pants, playful, pocket, pop, put, quirky, request, voodoo, voodoo doll

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

0

5 months ago

actually, answer, delivery, door, food, Funny, hands, humor, joke, people, pizza, think, visitor
Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

0

2 months ago

address, adult, adult humor, both, cheeky, cowgirl, double, double entendre, elephant, entendre, funny phrase, humor, humor quote, innuendo, metaphor, phrase, playful, reverse, room, sexual, sexual innuendo
Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

0

2 months ago

cargo, cargo pocket, closet, everything, humor, left, man, marriage, married, once, over, pocket, relationship, stereotypes, storage, stores, woman
If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

0

2 months ago

cancel, entertainment, future, humor, prediction, satire, show, Simpsons, TV, TV Show
If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

0

2 months ago

energy, enough, house, humor, irony, nuclear, nuclear reactor, power, reactor, small, submarine, technology
Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

0

4 months ago

advice, fine, girl, going, going through, humor, pregnancy, pregnant, reassurance, right, situation, through, whatever

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Telegram this month:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,241

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Trending via Discord:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

Making waves on Discord:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Live now on Twitch:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Going bananas on Slack:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

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