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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,340

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Live now on Instagram:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Spotted on X:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Spotted on Threads:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Just landed via X:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

2 months ago

0

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watching a movie with someone who narrates the entire plot like they're auditioning for an audio book can definitely be a test of patience. 🙄 But hey, when I add my insightful commentary, it's basically like I'm providing a director's cut commentary track! 🍿😂 Who knew my witty jokes could be the secret ingredient to the ultimate movie-watching experience? 🌟📽️ #SnarkyCinephile"

annoying, comments, enhance, entertainment, experience, humor, i, movie, opinion, people

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

0

2 months ago

closet, dilemma, fashion, full, humor, i, nothing, outfit, shopping, wear
God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

0

2 weeks ago

annoyance, anything, God, humor, interaction, show, social, social interaction, someone, video, wants, worse
Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

0

2 months ago

always, ambition, childhood, ever, expectations, humor, i, irony, kid, life, little, struggle, survive, wanted
I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

0

2 months ago

diet, donut, donuts, eat, eating, exist, food, healthy, healthy eating, humor, i, indulgence, lifestyle, need, temptation
God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

0

2 months ago

conversation, God, humor, i, powerful, self-awareness, skills
Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad news, cholesterol, diet, good, good news, health, high, high score, humor, i, irony, news, score, time, today, wellness

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

69 shares on Threads this month:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

82 shares on Discord this month:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

100 shares on Threads this month:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

29 shares on X this month:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,599

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Just shared via TikTok:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Going bananas on X:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Trending via YouTube:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Going viral on Discord:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Making waves on YouTube:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Shared recently on Instagram:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

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