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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

332 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,925

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,925

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

3,994

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

October is the situationship of months. So briefly beautiful, but you know the horrors are imminent.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Going viral on Slack:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew that the secret to human evolution was carbs and couch surfing? 🍕🛋️💪 #SurvivalOfTheWellFed"

adaptation, bit, carbs, diet, doing, eating, evolution, exercise, exercising, fitness, human, humor, joke, never, race

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

1 month ago

anytime, careful, caution, ever, humor, nobody, nothing, secrecy, word
We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

1 month ago

around, clumsiness, embarrassment, funny moment, idiocy, idiots, jump, knickers, least, malfunction, moment, once, playful, room, t, wardrobe, wardrobe malfunction
Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

1 month ago

bad, bad taste, Cinderella, face, guy, humor, i, mean, men, mess, never, remember, settled, taste
Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

1 month ago

call, creativity, crime, direct, FBI, give, Googling, heads, humor, joke, just, line, poison, research, safety, should, someone, story, writers
Work is the worst video game ever.

1 month ago

boredom, ever, game, gaming, humor, video, video game, work, workplace, worst
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

1 month ago

doing, doing nothing, enjoyment, humor, just, lazy, nothing, procrastination, relaxation

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Just landed via Discord:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Just shared via YouTube:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Going bananas on Facebook:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Going viral on TikTok:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

Freshly posted on X:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Live now on Messenger:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Work is the worst video game ever.

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

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Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Work is the worst video game ever.

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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