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"In case you were wondering, staring at the sun is the new brunch… 🌞 Get your daily dose of vitamin D and a side of temporary blindness! 🕶️😎 Remember, squint now, thank yourself later! 😜 #SunshineJunkie"

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True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

1 month ago
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Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

1 month ago
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I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

1 month ago
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They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

1 month ago
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What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

1 month ago
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Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

1 month ago
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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

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Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

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Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

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Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

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If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

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In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

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Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

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Seen just now on Messenger:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Seen just now on Threads:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Seen just now on Threads:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

Making waves on YouTube:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Seen just now on Threads:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

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Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

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Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

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