Commentary:
"Who needs a cozy blanket when you have a steaming hot pizza to snuggle up with on icy days? 🍕🔥 Embracing that delicious warmth beats frostbite any day! #PizzaHugs"
New funny quotes ✨

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.
Commentary:
"Ah, the real tragedy of forgetting about Dre – Grandpa missed out on bopping his head to the beats and dropping it like it's hot 🎧🕺 Who knew memory loss could be so dis-Dre-ssing! Keep the chronic memories alive, folks! 😂"
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- Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.
- Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.
- It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.
- Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.
- I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal 'work in progress' anthem – more like a masterpiece in procrastination! 🎨😂 At this rate, they'll have a full gallery of not-so-masterpieces in no time. Keep up the non-work, folks! 👩🎨💼"
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- Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.
- The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.
- Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?
- Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.
- The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.
Commentary:
"Sorry, I can't go out with you. My heart belongs to a virtual man who never interrupts me when I'm talking 😏💔🤖 #RelationshipGoals"
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- I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.
- I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
- I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?
- Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.
- Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?
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Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.
Commentary:
"Relationships are like room temperatures – it's all about that perfect balance! 🌡️❤️ So remember, it's all fun and games until someone turns up the heat or cranks the AC! 😂 #ThermostaticallyCompatible"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.
- Despite popular opinion, dating apps are NOT for dating. They are for finding people to watch your Instagram story for years and years.
- If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.
- Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.
- Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!
Commentary:
Oh universe, maybe it's time to switch up the curriculum then! 🤓🌌 Lesson learned: When life keeps throwing shade, just throw some sunglasses on and wink back 😉 #StillLearningButStylish
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.
- If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.
- I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.
- I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.
- All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.
Commentary:
"Looks like Cupid missed the mark on this one! 😅💘 Who knew love could be so hazardous? Maybe next time Cupid should consider switching to a Nerf bow and arrow for safety reasons. 🏹 #ValentinesDayGoneWrong"
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- Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.
- You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?
- Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.
- RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.
- Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’
Commentary:
"Oh, you 'forget to eat', you say? 🍔🙄 Must be nice skipping meals while the rest of us are over here planning our next snack attack! 😂 #FoodiesUnite"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.
- Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
- It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.
- Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.
- Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.
Commentary:
Oh, searching for a cell mate over a soulmate, huh? 🤣 Who needs love when you can have a bunk buddy, am I right? 🤷♂️ Just make sure to keep those prison phone calls to a minimum! 🤪 #CellMateGoals
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- God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?
- This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.
- I think my soulmate might be carbs.
- My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.
- I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.
Commentary:
"Relationship status: he escaped 🏃♂️ Maybe I should start using handcuffs instead of just tying knots in the relationship 🤣 #RunawayLover"
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Commentary:
"Being an adult is like being handed a manual written in invisible ink and being expected to navigate life without a GPS… or a clue 🤷♂️🔍 #LostInAdulthood"
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- Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?
- When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.
- Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?
- Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.
- I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.