Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?
  • In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.
  • Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.
  • You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.
  • Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.
  • My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.