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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,716

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Just landed via Threads:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Shared recently on X:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Going viral on Instagram:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Spreading quickly via X:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

6 days ago

Witty quote about the chaos of overexcited birthday plans turning into a disaster.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the tragic tale of birthday expectations crashing down with the force of a thousand unmet wishes! 🎉💔 It's like planning a grand fireworks show only to end up with a single sad sparkler! 🎇😅 Remember, it’s not just about the party hats, but the memories you make…or the hilarious memes that come out of it! 😂🎈"

being, birthday, day, disappointment, ever, every, excited, excitement, expectation, girl, girls, hell, personal, personal hell, too, worst, worst day

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

11 shares on Slack this month:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I have friends in high places (birds).

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,466

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

They should invent a grocery store that’s just for me and no one else.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Going viral on X:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Going viral on YouTube:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Just landed via Threads:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Making waves on Slack:

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

Seen just now on X:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

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