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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Trending via TikTok:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Breaking via TikTok:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Trending via TikTok:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Seen just now on X:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Making waves on Threads:

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

2 weeks ago

Humorous quote about fancy restaurants and avoiding embarrassing stains on pristine tablecloths.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Fine dining: where the only thing more intimidating than the prices is trying to navigate through a meal without causing a culinary catastrophe on that pristine tablecloth! 🍴😅 Don't worry, just consider it a modern art installation at the end of the meal! 🎨😜"

awkward, awkward moment, cloth, date, dining, embarrassing, ever, fancy, food, good, luck, moment, restaurant, self-esteem, stain, table, table cloth, white

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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Instagram this month:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

100 shares on Threads this month:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

81 shares on Discord this month:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

18 shares on X this month:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,732

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Live now on Twitch:

Is there a job where I can lay on the floor and listen to music?

Making waves on Reddit:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Trending via X:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Making waves on Messenger:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Spotted on Reddit:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Trending via Threads:

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.

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