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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

235 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,504

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,504

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,577

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Trending via Instagram:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Spotted on Facebook:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Seen just now on Threads:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Making waves on Slack:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Trending via X:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Making waves on Reddit:

I have a yearning disability.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

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Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.
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Commentary:
"Fine dining: where the only thing more intimidating than the prices is trying to navigate through a meal without causing a culinary catastrophe on that pristine tablecloth! 🍴😅 Don't worry, just consider it a modern art installation at the end of the meal! 🎨😜"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Instagram this month:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

54 shares on X this month:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

235 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,504

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,504

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,510

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Live now on Threads:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Spotted on YouTube:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Going viral on Slack:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Spotted on Twitch:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Trending via Messenger:

Normalize booing in the workplace.

Making waves on Slack:

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

Seen just now on X:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Making waves on Facebook:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Seen just now on Facebook:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

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