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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Spotted on Facebook:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Spotted on Discord:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Just shared via Twitch:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Trending via Reddit:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Live now on Instagram:

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Funny biological weapon quotes

New funny biological weapon quotes 👇

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

7 days ago

abandoned, abandonment, biological, biological weapon, dark, dark humor, development, early, engineering, humanity, humor, left, satire, weapon

All funny biological weapon quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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85 shares on Instagram this month:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

79 shares on Threads this month:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Just landed via X:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Live now on Instagram:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Going viral on Twitch:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Trending via Twitch:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Trending via Twitch:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Shared recently on Slack:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

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Funny biological weapon quotes

New funny biological weapon quotes 👇

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

All funny biological weapon quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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