71 funny chores quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

May 24, 2026

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

May 23, 2026

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

May 23, 2026

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

May 23, 2026

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

May 23, 2026

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

May 23, 2026

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

May 23, 2026

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

May 23, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

May 23, 2026

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

May 23, 2026

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

May 22, 2026

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

May 22, 2026

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

May 22, 2026

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

May 22, 2026

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

May 22, 2026

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

May 21, 2026

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

May 21, 2026

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

May 21, 2026

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

May 21, 2026

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

May 21, 2026

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

May 21, 2026

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

May 21, 2026

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

May 21, 2026

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

May 21, 2026

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

May 21, 2026

Wake me when AI does housework.

May 21, 2026

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

May 20, 2026

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

May 20, 2026

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

May 20, 2026

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

May 19, 2026

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

May 19, 2026