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130 Funny holiday quotes

Trending Funny Holiday Quotes 🔥

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.
In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.
Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.
Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.
The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

More funny holiday quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Commentary:
"Looks like Santa's workshop had a budget cut this year! 🎅💸 Time to spread some goodwill… through virtual hugs! 🤗💸 #BrokeSanta #HugsForChristmas"
5 months ago
Share →: I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Commentary:
"Besties who match together, stay crazy together! 🤪🎁👯‍♀️ Who needs matching sweaters when you can twin in straight jackets? 😂 #bffgoals #crazychristmas"
5 months ago
Share →: Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Commentary:
🎸🎄 "Looks like someone is ready to jingle their bells all the way to the unemployment line! Who needs a 9 to 5 when you can be a full-time rockstar in Santa's band? Time to trade in that briefcase for a guitar case and make your holiday dreams come true! Rock on, Christmas rebel!" 🎶✨
5 months ago
Share →: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Commentary:
🚗💨 "Ah, holiday traffic – the gift that keeps on giving, whether you asked for it or not! Dodging it is like playing a never-ending game of 'Avoid-the-Caravan.' Well done on unintentionally embracing the holiday chaos with open arms! 🎄🤷‍♂️"
5 months ago
Share →: Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Commentary:
"Who needs a paycheck when you've got a perfectly adorned tree to admire all day? 🎄💁‍♀️ Time to upgrade from employee of the month to ornament placement expert! 💼➡️🌟 #Priorities #LivingMyBestTreeLife"
5 months ago
Share →: December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Commentary:
"Ah, December, the grand finale of the year! 🎉 Here's hoping it's a sweet ending and not a plot twist nobody saw coming! 🍭✨"
5 months ago
Share →: Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Commentary:
"Santa baby, forget the fancy gifts, just give me some mental stability this year! 🎅🧠 Oh, what a merry and mentally sound Christmas it would be! 🎄😄 #Priorities"
5 months ago
Share →: An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

Commentary:
"Introducing the 'Anxi-vent Calendar' – because adulting requires a daily dose of anxiety meds behind each door! 💊🚪 Stay calm and carry on… opening those doors! 😅"
5 months ago
Share →: In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Commentary:
"Channeling my inner Dickens this Christmas – Bah humbug to wealth, hello to the joy of being broke! 🎩💸 #LivingTheVictorianLife"
5 months ago
Share →: A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Commentary:
"Trying to resist the temptation of devouring all the chocolates in a advent calendar is just as challenging as trying to resist hitting the snooze button on a Monday morning. 🍫⏰ #ChocolateLover #NoRestraint"