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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,539

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Just landed via Facebook:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Seen just now on Threads:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

Making waves on Messenger:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Going bananas on Slack:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Funny Mimosa quotes

Funny Mimosa quotes are the perfect way to toast to brunch vibes 🥂✨ Whether you’re sipping on bubbly with friends or just need a little sparkle in your day, these witty and lighthearted sayings bring the fizz and fun 🍊😄 Get ready to laugh, sip, and celebrate life’s bubbly moments with a splash of humor and a twist of orange! Cheers to good times and great laughs! 🥳🍾

New funny Mimosa quotes 👇

All funny Mimosa quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Threads this month:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

74 shares on X this month:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

86 shares on Instagram this month:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Some people still fail to understand that the boot still has no problem crushing you, even if you lick it clean.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Trending via TikTok:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Breaking via YouTube:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Spotted on Telegram:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Spotted on Pinterest:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Spotted on Threads:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Live now on Discord:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

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